Check out this diet humor cartoon from Go Comics. Try not to laugh out loud.
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Caribou Barbie's Latest Gaffe
Just when you think Sarah Palin couldn't possibly find one more pile of moose caca to step in she goes and steps in another one. Governor Palin - what was Alaska thinking? - took a prank call from a radio DJ pretending to be French president Nicolas Sarkozy. And Sarah bought his whole stick lock, stock, and barrel, despite the fact he dropped big hints he was a fake.
This would be funny except for the fact this woman could be one step away from the presidency. The ramifications of that are staggering. "Mrs. President, it's Osama Bin Laden on the line. He says if we don't hand over Alaska for his new base he'll blow up the White House and the capitol."
This would be funny except for the fact this woman could be one step away from the presidency. The ramifications of that are staggering. "Mrs. President, it's Osama Bin Laden on the line. He says if we don't hand over Alaska for his new base he'll blow up the White House and the capitol."
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Best DIGGS of the Week
I pretty much took Monday off after a busy weekend. I did do two 10 Minute Trainer workouts – click the link to read my review at Healthy New Age. You might want to check out the HNA "Meet Our Authors" page. I'm now an ongoing contributor.
And I took a two hour nap yesterday. Delicious and refreshing, and nice to wake up to a recharged stock market.
I also ran across some cool reading. Hey, it's research. Yeah, that's it, research. Here are the links: Hope you "DIGG" them too.
Sioux County.com is a gallery of Women's Bodybuilding, Fitness, and Figure Competitors. This site is a must for bodybuilders and fans.
6 Most Disastrous Uses of Work Email – True and Funny
Women and Muscle: Photography Great Bill Dobbins Speaks Out by Carol Bardelli for The Examiner
Best New Blog – Sanity Rant from Lady Rose of The Diet Pulpit.
Cutting Back on "Bad" Carbs
Friday, October 10, 2008
Frantic Friday
Temper, temper, John John.
Yes, I borrowed Frantic Friday from CNN. Then I turned the channel, it's too depressing.
My crystal ball - I really have one - isn't telling me when we'll pull out of this financial nightmare. Unless more rich folks like Warren Buffet throw some money into the stock market and other key investments that might boost the economy this looks to get uglier.
I'll tell what I do know, McCain and Palin are more of the same approach that got us into this mess. That being said, below are some videos and links you might enjoy. Or not...
Palin and Troopergate
An Interview with McCain and Obama in 2012.
The Paradoxes of Warren Buffet The Billionaire.
And then there's The Foo Fighters and John McCain. The Foo Fighters have Slammed McCain for Unauthorized Use of their song 'My Hero'. Real honorable behavior, John.
Excerpt: The Republican Party has courted plenty of trouble with its appropriation of popular songs during the presidential election campaign. Heart’s Nancy Wilson memorably said she felt “completely fucked over” by Sarah Palin’s use of the band’s “Barracuda,” while Van Halen asked John McCain to stop using their Sammy Hagar-era song “Right Now.”
But as Sarah Palin would say "Ya know, I'm really gonna miss Tina Fey come November."
Yes, I borrowed Frantic Friday from CNN. Then I turned the channel, it's too depressing.
My crystal ball - I really have one - isn't telling me when we'll pull out of this financial nightmare. Unless more rich folks like Warren Buffet throw some money into the stock market and other key investments that might boost the economy this looks to get uglier.
I'll tell what I do know, McCain and Palin are more of the same approach that got us into this mess. That being said, below are some videos and links you might enjoy. Or not...
Palin and Troopergate
An Interview with McCain and Obama in 2012.
The Paradoxes of Warren Buffet The Billionaire.
And then there's The Foo Fighters and John McCain. The Foo Fighters have Slammed McCain for Unauthorized Use of their song 'My Hero'. Real honorable behavior, John.
Excerpt: The Republican Party has courted plenty of trouble with its appropriation of popular songs during the presidential election campaign. Heart’s Nancy Wilson memorably said she felt “completely fucked over” by Sarah Palin’s use of the band’s “Barracuda,” while Van Halen asked John McCain to stop using their Sammy Hagar-era song “Right Now.”
But as Sarah Palin would say "Ya know, I'm really gonna miss Tina Fey come November."
Monday, August 25, 2008
Back To School - Enjoy These One Liners
Birds of a feather flock together and leave gifts on your car.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt .
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells " Theirs."
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt .
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells " Theirs."
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
The High Stress Diet
The High Stress Diet
This is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day.
BREAKFAST:
Grapefruit
1 Slice whole Wheat Toast
8 oz Skim Milk
LUNCH:
4 oz Lean Broiled Chicken Breast
1 C Steamed Spinach
1 C Herb Tea
1 Oreo Cookie
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 Pts Rocky Road Ice Cream, Nuts, Cherries and Whipped Cream
1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce
DINNER:
2 Loaves Garlic Bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher of Coke
1 large Sausage, Mushroom and Cheese Pizza
3 Snicker bars
LATE EVENING NEWS:
Entire frozen Sara Lee Cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
RULES FOR THIS DIET:
1. If you eat something and no one see you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots & Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: Spinach & Pistachio Ice Cream; Mushrooms & Mashed Potatoes.
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We all know how calories like to cling!!)
REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS.
This is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day.
BREAKFAST:
Grapefruit
1 Slice whole Wheat Toast
8 oz Skim Milk
LUNCH:
4 oz Lean Broiled Chicken Breast
1 C Steamed Spinach
1 C Herb Tea
1 Oreo Cookie
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 Pts Rocky Road Ice Cream, Nuts, Cherries and Whipped Cream
1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce
DINNER:
2 Loaves Garlic Bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher of Coke
1 large Sausage, Mushroom and Cheese Pizza
3 Snicker bars
LATE EVENING NEWS:
Entire frozen Sara Lee Cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
RULES FOR THIS DIET:
1. If you eat something and no one see you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots & Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: Spinach & Pistachio Ice Cream; Mushrooms & Mashed Potatoes.
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We all know how calories like to cling!!)
REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Foodie Friday - Cheesy Goodness
I got the idea for this post because I'm staring down the week ahead at my scheduled cheat day on Wednesday via the Cheat To Lose Diet plan. I'm shopping for my cheat foods today at iGourmet. And I'm buying this bargain because if I don't get some Cotswald - which I haven't had since Christmas - I'll die. Besides that much cheese, properly stored, will last me two months. I have a Seal-A-Meal and if you reseal cheese in an airtight bag cheese lasts up to 9 months as opposed to a week or so in a regular baggie.
(Joel Marion, author of The Cheat To Lose Diet, says not to shop ahead because you may not be craving on cheat day what you bought ahead. Too bad, Joel. I live 20 miles from the store and I'm not wasting $10 in gas to do an unnecessary shopping run on a Wednesday. Ain't happening, baby. Besides I KNOW what I want, cheese and chocolate).
If you're into diet, nutrition, weight loss, and fat loss, chances are you're also a foodie. Some of us foodies are gourmets, love to cook, own and use every herb and spice known to man, and prefer imported English Stilton to plastic wrapped slices of plastic tasting American cheese any day. Other foodies are not purist and don't know Cotswold from coriander. These foodies love McDonald's, Frito Lay, Oscar Meyer, and Banquet microwave dinners. Whichever side of the foodie fence you sit on, even if you're a fence sitter, there's something below that should tickle your fancy.
My very favorite place to buy food is iGourmet. They have excellent customer service and the biggest selection of American and international gourmet food. Also, if you're signed up for their newsletter you receive great deals including customer appreciation free shipping days. And they have sales, today I got a daily special, one pound of Royal Blue Stilton for $6.00 off.
Can you tell I'm crazy for cheese?
Here's some great food, cuisine, and cooking sites (in no particular order):
Gourmeted.com - The Adventures of Two Desperate Foodies
Gina's Weight Watchers Recipes
The Restaurant Hopper
Healthy Cooking Recipes
Jenn Cooks - Adventures From The Kitchen
The Grill Man
Fruit Species
Suger & Sweets - Find Something Crave Worthy
Mouthing Off
Articles
Immune System Needs Food To Function Well
Pimp My Meal - 8 Instant Ways to Make Healthy Meals Delicious by Josef Brandenburg
Gail Simmons 10 Best Spring Dishes
The Best Pies In London
Foodie Videos
Food Wars
The Hippy Gourmet Makes Veggie Sushi
Extra Cheese: The Rap
Fast Food Freestyle
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Wordless Wednesday?
I was going to try a wordless Wednesday but my big mouth nixed the idea. Bruno has a half day at school today and tomorrow - teachers conferences. So I'm time crunched. Here's the photos from our weekend I couldn't get up earlier due to internet connection problems...
A Day With The Boys
No Not Those Boys. These Boys...
Bruno Invents New Uses For An Exercise Step...Now It's A Playstation Platform.
A Day With The Boys
No Not Those Boys. These Boys...
Bruno Invents New Uses For An Exercise Step...Now It's A Playstation Platform.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Just Another Freaky Friday
I found this link Big Ass Fans at Pandora’s Casket and it got me to thinking.
How many other websites have Big Ass in their title or description? So I Googled it. As you might have guessed a bunch of adult sites popped up. (Can't click on those, I've got Bruno, my eight year old, sitting next to me playing on my other laptop. Wait a minute, why would I click on those? I'm not into big asses.)
So if there's a gillion websites of big assed girls out there, why is most of the female population trying to diet their hind ends off? Apparently guys LIKE BIG BUTTS. Sing with me, “I like big butts and I can not lie.” (I can hear Ross and Rachael from "Friends" singing this to their newborn Emma).
The only clean one in the first few pages was Big Ass Belle, a blog I used to link to. (Every now and then I clean my blog roll for one reason or another and Belle got the boot, probably for a lack of posting. I'd put her back but she still hasn't posted in over a month).
Then there was a music site called Big Ass Beats I’m not linking to because of a suspicious pop up box to install something. And there’s Big Ass Towels to cover up your, um, big ass. Then I found Big Ass Truck, a band who doesn’t know how to design a website seeing as it’s mostly empty.
And as Debbie pointed out to me, there's Big Ass Cabs - a wine worthy of kudos. Just don't drink too much and put your fat burning on hold for EVER. (Hey, it's still a full moon).
Okay, now I’m bored. Big Ass searches aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.
Get it? Cracked? (For those of you a little slow today - for whatever reason - Ass Crack, asses are cracked. Um, never mind).
Can you tell it’s freaky Friday?
Funniest Read Of The Week Is From Monkey Fables And Tales "Some Things Are Kinda Fuzzy"
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Happy Easter!
He is Risen!
An animated depicted of the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
The Easter Bunny Versus Jesus - If your connection is slow pause the video and let it load fully before playing.
Easter PSA - Jesus is Cooler
Easter: The Risen Savior
The Risen Savior video tackles the idea that through the resurrection, Christ's love is found unconditional, his grace is without measure, and his forgiveness is ours.
In this spoof of the NBC "The More You Know" PSAs, the Easter Bunny urges everyone to admit that Jesus is cooler.
Visit GodTube for full screen versions and for more cool, humorous, and informative Christian videos.
We can arise because He is Risen
Humorous Quotes
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' -- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. -- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. -- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - - Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho Marx
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. -- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -- W.C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. -- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you. -- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty , but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. -- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. -- Billy Crystal
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
An animated depicted of the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
The Easter Bunny Versus Jesus - If your connection is slow pause the video and let it load fully before playing.
Easter PSA - Jesus is Cooler
Easter: The Risen Savior
The Risen Savior video tackles the idea that through the resurrection, Christ's love is found unconditional, his grace is without measure, and his forgiveness is ours.
In this spoof of the NBC "The More You Know" PSAs, the Easter Bunny urges everyone to admit that Jesus is cooler.
Visit GodTube for full screen versions and for more cool, humorous, and informative Christian videos.
We can arise because He is Risen
Humorous Quotes
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' -- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. -- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. -- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - - Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho Marx
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. -- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -- W.C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. -- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you. -- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty , but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. -- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. -- Billy Crystal
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Proving You Can Find Almost Anything At YouTube
Blasts From The Past
We started down this blast from the past fest because Wolf Blitzer mentioned union members usually voted for Hillary Clinton and my brain flashed back to the 1970’s and this song from a commercial:
“Look for the union label
when you are buying that coat, dress or blouse.
Remember somewhere our union's sewing,
our wages going to feed the kids, and run the house.
We work hard, but who's complaining?
Thanks to the I.L.G. we're paying our way!
So always look for the union label,
it says we're able to make it in the U.S.A.!”
“Look For The Union Label” Song From a 1975 Commercial
Embedding was disabled at YouTube so just Click Here to view the video.
Joe Namath’s Panty Hose Ad
All In The Family Original Theme Song
The Jeffersons Theme
Mickey Mantle Karo Syrup Ad
The Flintstones Ad For Winston Cigarettes
We started down this blast from the past fest because Wolf Blitzer mentioned union members usually voted for Hillary Clinton and my brain flashed back to the 1970’s and this song from a commercial:
“Look for the union label
when you are buying that coat, dress or blouse.
Remember somewhere our union's sewing,
our wages going to feed the kids, and run the house.
We work hard, but who's complaining?
Thanks to the I.L.G. we're paying our way!
So always look for the union label,
it says we're able to make it in the U.S.A.!”
“Look For The Union Label” Song From a 1975 Commercial
Embedding was disabled at YouTube so just Click Here to view the video.
Joe Namath’s Panty Hose Ad
All In The Family Original Theme Song
The Jeffersons Theme
Mickey Mantle Karo Syrup Ad
The Flintstones Ad For Winston Cigarettes
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Unknown Facts About The Flu # One
You can write a blog post, reread it, and realize you repeated yourself in three different ways in three different paragraphs. Hit delete.
You can blow your nose, reblow it, and realize you repeatedly blew your nose three different times in the same damned Kleenex. Throw it away.
You accidentally TIVO'd "Pregnancy For Dummies" because your finger triple clicked the wrong button on your remote. Delete. No really, Delete, No, not TIVO every damned episode forever! Delete!
DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day!
We're going to celebrate with an evening in with champagne and chocolate. We'll have our Valentine's outing on Saturday. I hope you all have a Happy Valentine's Day and enjoy the love in your lives no matter who the source is because you are loved.
Here's a very funny video a friend sent me. Enjoy!
TEQUILA
Here's One of My Favorite Funny Hugh Laurie Songs
And I Will Always Love You...
Here's a very funny video a friend sent me. Enjoy!
TEQUILA
Here's One of My Favorite Funny Hugh Laurie Songs
And I Will Always Love You...
